The First Date!

Warning:  This is not going to put the writer in the best light!

As I have stated in previous posts, I had just moved to the NWA area about a month before J and I went on our first date.  I was at a point in my life where I was really looking for a long term relationship but I had learned you don't date people from where you work.  And I didn't know anyone in the area at the time to set me up on dates.  So I did what any other nerd, who typically sits in dark rooms for hours playing with technology usually did, I joined a dating website.  

To be fair, I had been on dating websites before and had learned several things.  If a man smiles in his photo and doesn't show his teeth, there is a reason.  If he only has head shots, there is a reason.  And if every photo he has posted has an ex scribbled out, there is a reason.  This is 2013 and most people have phones who know someone who has a phone with a camera.  There is no reason for a person to have outdated photos.  I had become a pro at reading profiles and determining pretty quickly what the person was actually trying to accomplish.  Some where really just on there because it was cheaper than the bar every Friday night looking for a hookup, while few are actually looking for a commitment.  

I had seen the profile a few times and the headline but never clicked on it.  Something kept bringing me back to this particular profile.  I finally clicked on it and started to scroll through the pictures this man had posted.  One in particular caught my eye.  Not because he was performing some crazy adventurous, adrenaline pumping activity, like so many men post, but because the picture was funny.  He was posing on a bed with a wax figurine of Hugh Hefner.  Wow, really!?  I found it hysterical that this person had chosen to post a staged photo with the man who cultivated the entire non-committal, live sexually free lifestyle.  Nothing says "I'm looking for a commitment" like Hugh Hefner does!  But to be fair, he has always remained faithful to his 7 girlfriends.  I weighed this all very carefully and against my better judgement I signed up and sent him an email.  

"Really?  You post a picture of you and the world's biggest playboy and you think that's going to get the ladies!?"

That's what I sent him in a private message.  His reply?  "It got your attention didn't it!?"  Well, he had a point.   We started to email back and forth for a couple of days and I found his online persona funny.  And funny always wins with the girls.  So I sent him my number, he sent me his and we started to text for a couple of days.  

Flash forward to April 18, 2012.  I got off work and stopped by this Mexican restaurant to have dinner and a drink with the bartender there. We had made "friends" over the last couple of weeks and I thought she was pretty cool.  But I've also been accused of giving people way to much trust when I first meet them.  It gets me in trouble...a lot.  But I refuse to let go of my idealistic belief that people are basically good.  

Anyway, a night of good, clean debauchery was had and as usual trouble rears her ugly head.  

The next morning I wake up and I walk over to the restaurant about a block away to get my Jeep, but it's not there.  I knew it wasn't going to be there, but I was hoping.  Why did I know it wasn't going to be there?  Because the vague memories I have of the debauchery filled night include me approaching a police officer to give me a ride home.  I mean, who doesn't approach random officers and ask for rides home because they are too intoxicated to drive.  This technique should defiantly be employed if you are not sure what town you are in either.  

So the kind officer, from two towns over, brought me home and I remember as he was was driving me, I was trying to remember the route so I could get back there the next day to get my Jeep.  Thankfully I remember the town name though that helps me little later.  I suppose I walked to check to see if it was at the restaurant because even I couldn't believe the events of the night before and it was like pinching myself to see if it was a dream or real.

It was real.  So you know what I do, I go back to bed.  I was already working from home but my laptop was in the Jeep as was my phone.  I wasn't going to get a lot accomplished without either and we've all been there.  Sometimes it's just easier to go back to bed.

After a few more hours of sleep, coffee and a shower, panic mode finally sets in.  I check the restaurant parking lot again in vain.  Stop by the apartment complex office and use the phone.  Call the police in the town where I got the ride and explain the situation.  Lots of laughing.  First, they have no record of the office who gave me a ride home because he crossed city limits and I guess they are not supposed to do that.  So it was not logged.  Second, there is no record of my Jeep being towed.  I'm not ready to report it stolen, because I know it's not, it's just missing.  And I wasn't smart enough to have them just put a BOLO.

In the apartment I have my Kindle Fire.  I send off a couple of emails to work to get that covered.  Then I need a car and a phone.  And I had been texting with J the night before and then I just went dark.  I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested so I had to find his number.  Thankfully, he had sent it to me in an email and I was able to get it from the deleted folder.  Score one for me, or so I think, when a Google search reveals that there is a car rental place at the Sears on the other side of my apartments.  I head over there, but the car rental place was closed.  The nice gentleman at the Sears Tire counter let me use the phone...after I explained the story and he looked at me like I was either pathetic or putting him on.  Whatever, I get those looks a lot but it just usually means there is a good story in there.

This is the first time we will speak on the phone.  After he answers and we establish that he is he and I am I, I just blurt out, "Okay, got really drunk last night, lost my Jeep with my stuff in it, came to get a rental car, they were closed, so I going to call a cab and head to the airport to get a car, then I'm going to deal with the   phone situation and as soon as I get home I will call you.  I just didn't want you to think I wasn't interested..."

Really, that's the first thing he hears from me.  Pause, very long pause.  He finally responds with "Okay, you lost your Jeep, you don't know where, you're fine.  Sounds like a interesting time!  Okay, just call me later."

It was like he gets these kind of calls all the time or he had already decided I was a nut job, but harmless.  Might as well have some fun huh?

Rental car is retrieved, a new phone is purchased, I eat.  Yes, I had not eaten all day because I lived like a single person and had no food at home and no Jeep to go get any.  I could have walked, but it was sunny and my sunglasses were in the Jeep too.  I even made it a point to get some at Sears.  Priorities people, priorities 

I nervously call him later that evening.  There was no way he was going to want to hang out after the crazy story I just told him.  And until I got my Jeep back or figured out what to do I wasn't sure I really needed to focus on a date.

I call and tell him the entire story because I think it will make me sound better.  He laughs, which puts me at ease.  I explain that this really doesn't happen to me...often and it's probably the number one reason I needed a keeper.

Then J steps his game up.  He says, "You know, I know Springdale pretty well.  Maybe we can drive around and look for it tomorrow night."  Really, this is going to be our first date.  Drive around looking for my lost Jeep?  You know, it's been one big "What the hell" moment after another for the last 24 hours, I figure might as well just keep it going.

We meet at Denny's the next evening, early enough to give us plenty of daylight to look.  I know I was on the Southern side of town because it didn't take long to get me to the Fay.  I know what the place looked like that I left and I remember that the road had no sidewalks, only a single middle stripe, lots of pine trees and lots of street lights.  Surely with that we were going to be able to find my Jeep quickly right?

For the next couple of hours we just drive around talking.  Really talking.  You know the kind of talking you do with an old friend on a road trip?  Yes, that kind of talking.  I was getting hungry, I knew this method was  a long shot any way.  To Mojito's we go and if you are ever in this area, you must eat there.  It's our favorite in this area.  We have a great dinner with even more amazing conversation.  I've actually forgotten that I should be freaked out because now it's been 48 hours since I saw my Jeep.  I was having an amazing time.  While I usually suck at reading the signals from the opposite sex, I was pretty certain that he was having a good time as well.

Okay, it's time to report it stolen or something.  We head to my apartment, which I've lived in for a month and have one camping chair and a 22 inch TV.  I'm still sleeping on the air mattress.  As I scan my apartment and think about the current situation, I start to question if there will be a date two.  We call the police and wait and chat some more.  It's a sign when Officer Peace shows up.  I'm a total peace loving, hippy nerd and  J should have been a cop.  I even asked him 3 times during dinner if he actually was one.  So the fact that his name was Officer Peace didn't seem like anything to me at the time, but I like to give meaning to things when I reflect and certainly that has some meaning.

Anyway, officer arrives, I hem and haw at telling him the full story, because again, I feel like I'm getting to old to have these stories to tell.  It's not like I'm reliving something from my early 20's.  Officer Peace could tell I wasn't being fully honest.  He says "You know how many stolen vehicle reports I've taken in the last year alone?  Like 500 and you know how many have actually been stolen...NONE."  I look at J seeking permission to tell this tale to a man of the law who is going to put this on my official record.  J gives me the, "it's your Jeep" look and I proceed to tell the Officer the full story from two nights earlier.  He too laughs.  He says he highly doubts it's stolen.  He'll file a report and something will happen.

It's getting late and I ask J if he wants me take him back to his truck now.  As a gentleman would do, he said of course knowing it was a proper time to end the date.  But I never do proper.

About 15 to 20 minutes later as we are heading back to the Denny's that we had met at hours earlier, my phone rings.  I'm driving, I ask J to answer.  He answers and we are informed that my Jeep has been located.  It had actually just been towed in the last couple of hours and the officer provides the information I need to get my Jeep back.  We call the tow company and find out how much it is going to cost and the pertinent information to retrieve it.  Some how I missed that the man was going to do me a favor and head over to the business now to unlock and let me get it.  I figure this out when he calls later a bit steamed.  We had driven over to the location to try and see if there was any damage to the vehicle.  How we missed each other is beyond me, but now I like to think that I had stars in my eyes for the amazing man that was sharing in this adventure with me.  That has to explain why the company owner and I did not cross paths at the business....right?

Yes, it's an adventure now because the Jeep is safe, we've been laughing for hours and neither of us are ready to call it quits.  The hour isn't terribly late and we are at Denny's now might as well go in for coffee and dessert.  Another couple of hours later, we're both starting to show signs of the time and we've already agreed to meet up tomorrow to get my Jeep and have date two.  A respectable hug and we depart.

I remember getting back in my rental car and feeling...excited.  Excited that the date had gone so well.  Especially considering our first date was spent driving around a strange town and me basically telling him all the stories that could fall into the "How is she still alive" category.  Excited that we already had a plan for the next date.  Excited that he had made me laugh the entire time and excited that I felt so relaxed around him.

After getting home, I send him a good night, thank you text and fall asleep pretty fast.  I wake up the next day to a picture of him getting pulled over for the license plate light being out.  And I figure, yep I've met my match.  Any one who can find the humor in getting pulled over in the middle of the night after the evening we had just had, certainly had a unique outlook on life.  That quality is priceless, especially when  you marry the girl who loses her Jeep.  

Team Building

Grocery stores were a bit foreign to me.  Yes, I have been in them, know their basic layouts in any one you walk into and understand their purpose.  When you are as single as I was for as long as I was, grocery stores closely resemble WaWa's, Casey's or a deluxe 7/11.  My eating habits and lifestyle have evolved, thankfully.

One of my favorite things about living in this part of my home state is the AMAZING Farmer's Market we have in The Fay (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fayetteville-Arkansas-Farmers-Market/372790109508?ref=ts&fref=ts) and Ozark Natural Foods (http://www.ozarknaturalfoods.com/) which is an organic/whole food lovers dream.  Now I fully admit the farmers market here is nothing compared to Soulard  (http://www.soulardmarket.com/) but nothing I've witnessed before or since even compares to the awesomeness of Soulard Farmer's Market.

I had only been to the farmers market here one time before J and I met.  When he agreed to go with me one Saturday morning I was ecstatic.  Call me crazy, but eating a whole food diet that is locally grown and as chemically free as possible is one of my biggest priorities in life.  I'm not perfect and it's been a process.  It was important to me that my life partner at least understood my goal and attempt to help me obtain it.  He was on board and that was pretty awesome.

He discovered how much better fresh and I mean fresh fruits and vegetables taste.  Was even more surprised how much we could be buy and how long I could make fresh from the farm produce last.  I fully admit I brag about my abilities to store and keep vegetables for weeks.  But some of that is because I buy it about 2 days after it's picked from the ground/vine/tree/whatever.

I discovered how much I loved cooking and preparing meals.  He had given up meat for a year.  Now mind you this was about 2 months before we met, so he still had 10 more months to go.  But I was cool with that, I'm not a big meat eater myself so it worked.  And it forced me to get creative.  Now, I can eat a salad for 2 meals a day and be completely happy and only need variation once in awhile.  I am a creature of habit when it comes to food.  But he could not be satisfied with that.

As he moved in over the next couple of months and we started to build our team, we found some weakness and strengths in the kitchen.  I'm great at salads and making lots of things with bell peppers, the bell peppers however gave him heartburn.  Previously in my life, this would have been a deal breaker.  But this man who came into my life had made me want to expand my skills.  To work harder, to be more of team player.  So to the Interwebs I went looking for new recipes.  The one thing we had in common food was was that we both loved Mexican food and I can't express how much I mean by love.

However, even Mexican food requires some meat.  But thankfully, he did still eat fish so a lot of shrimp and fish taco's would be consumed.  My first real meal that I cooked for him was salmon, in my apartment.  That was love.  I don't eat fish.  Basically because I can't cook it and I really don't like the smell.  Enter J into my life and all that changes.  I cooked fish, asparagus and made a beautiful salad...of course.  And I didn't mind the smell or the cleanup!

Cooking the fish did become more his task as the relationship continued or the rare time I would get a bit of ground beef for my taco's, that is his too.  I'm great at the side dishes and menu building and ensuring that we eat as healthy as possible while it still being full of taste.  And that's the things about whole foods, they have an amazing taste when you take their strengths and marry them with something that might be missing that sweetness you are craving or that spice you need.

If you accept the strength of the pairing piece  you can strengthen weaknesses.  I had to let go of some of the control in the kitchen.  Much of my control was in fear.  I feared splattering cooking grease.  I feared not cooking things long enough so I ate basic foods.  I never allowed myself the joy of cooking and providing a meal for someone I love.  Those were my weaknesses.  His strengths in the kitchen allowed me to expand our menus, spend time together creating memories with the laughter at errors, like burnt cookies.

It was in food and the kitchen that we started to build our team.  Finding rhythms, moving to a song that only plays in our heads.  We bump into each other on occasions  getting off beat.  Sometimes it can cause an entire meal to go down in a flame of fire.  And that's okay, because errors happen and the next time we'll do better.  Because what ever weakness one of displayed will be picked up by the strength of the other.  An awesome pairing if I say so  myself.  Peace and love!

Warm-up injury!

I'm going to try and quickly bring us all up to speed over the next few entries so that we can get onto the hear and now.  And really, the whole point of this blog is to share our current up and downs and hope that one of you may be able to provide some awesome insight and that we may be able to show you guys something different as well.

The first few months of our relationship were probably like the beginning of all relationships.  Butterflies in the stomach, changing your outfit 15 times before you go out to dinner.  You floss your teeth, when the last time you flossed was on your way to the dentist.   Yes, I know I need to floss more, but I have my dentist to tell me that!

But I guess, now that I think about it, our first few months were not "normal" though it all seemed perfectly normal to me!

I had just moved to the Northwest Arkansas area (NWA) a little over a month before J and I went on our first date.  I spent a lot of that time sitting at the bar in local restaurants having dinner and a cocktail by myself.  I have spent a lot of time as an adult alone so doing things alone has never bothered me.  I'm like my mother, I can strike up an hour long conversation with a complete stranger and there are always interesting characters sitting at the bar eating alone.  I say this, because I'm hoping I come off as interesting and mysterious myself when I find myself in that situation.

Anyway, I had just moved and all I had in my apartment was a camping chair and an air mattress.  Which is perfectly acceptable to me and I probably could have lived like that until someone forced me to get my stuff. After about 2 weeks and a few dates, J (who wasn't my boyfriend yet) decided we should go to my home town about 3 hours away and get my items.  I had a real bed there, real dishes and pots and pans.  I think he may have also thought that there was a real TV there but he'll soon learn the 22 inch that we've been watching Friends on is in fact, my only TV.

A towing package was installed on the Jeep and we were going to sneak into my home town, get my items and head back.  There was no need to go by and see family.  I had personally just seen them a couple weeks prior and he wasn't even my boyfriend yet!!  And I had made the decision many years earlier that I would only bring a man around my family if I thought it was going to stick.  Even though I had already told my BFF that I had met the man I was going to marry, I wasn't ready to say it out loud (I told her this via text.) or introduce him to my family.

The BFF knew I was coming because I still had stuff stored at her house and might as well get it now.  I hadn't really thought it all through.  My other stuff was at my parents storage unit and I would need to get the code from them and that would mean they would know I was in town.  But they were about to find out either way.  And my future husband was about to find out something pretty epic about his future wife.

The trailer was picked up at the U-Haul location and we proceeded to the BFF's house to retrieve boxes.  We backed the trailer up to the storage building and I climbed in to point out to him which boxes and items were mine.  And let's be honest, because he was going to do the heavy lifting he needed to know where to get the items!

I really can't remember exactly what I was doing.  I was pulling boxes off a piece of my furniture and he was moving the bed slats.  What you probably need to know is that it was a bit dangerous in there.  There was wood haphazardly stacked and you had to climb on the wood to get to my items.  And I guess it's fair to say that I wear flip flops...a lot!  So much so that people are little surprised to see my feet with anything else.  I had brought sneakers for this mission.   I was only showing him where the stuff was, I didn't expect items to get moved right then.  We probably should have communicated our moves a little more.  But what he did next will go down in history as the moment he broke my foot.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

However, x-rays will later reveal the foot is not broken.  But I still contend they were misread and there was a tiny hair line fracture that they just didn't see.  So to me he broke my foot!!  :-)

Back at the BFF's storage....  I'm in my flip flops, he is lifting up the slat.  It goes to snag his clothes and instead of letting it snag his clothes, he throws (okay, drops) it from about 12 feet (okay about 4) high onto my foot.  I let out a scream, actually there wasn't any sound for a good 5 seconds, just making the motion with my mouth before the sound can finally escape my body.  Once I hear my scream, I realize this really hurts.  I look down and see this lump about the size of an avocado pit on top of my foot.  And I've been known to walk into walls so this injury was more than I was expecting and it startled me.  The actual first words to escape were "Why did you..." and then I stopped because I was aware that this is probably the man I'm going to try and spend the rest of my life with and I didn't want to put that on him.  It was an accident and even in that moment I recognized all this.  So I stopped and I switched it up.  I can't really remember exactly what I said, but it wasn't blaming him.  And that was important to me, even in that moment, so soon after our first date.

I'm certain it's broke, he is freaking out.  What do I want to do he keeps asking.  All I can think is it is really broke and we need to get to the ER.  So I call my dad and ask if mom is working at the hospital that day.  Oddly she's working the ER but he wants to know why.  I tell him the story, I can hear his usual sigh of, my goodness what have you done now?!   We head to the ER, he lets my mom know.

So there in the ER entrance, my future husband meets my mom for the very first time.  What a way introduce him to the family huh?  I immediately say he broke my foot but in playful way, she says it's not broken and I wish I would have listened.  Because that trip, even with insurance has cost me over $1000.  After I leave the ER, we hang out in the parking lot with my mom and chat.  She really likes him, I can tell and well she actually says so when J walks away to get my Jeep and bring it to where we are.  We still have to go back and get the trailer and load it up and drive back to NWA.  Oh, and I'm on pain pills, which I've never really taken before and he gets to see a whole new side of me.

We go ahead and stop by my dad's.  He knows we are here and I'm sure my mom has called and I know my dad.  He would be hurt if my mom got to see me and J and he didn't.  Plus we need to get the code to the storage, my poor planning and poor judgement that day was going to get J in front of my parents one way or another.  Maybe it was fate...  We stopped by my dad's, we chit chat, but we have to go for the same reasons we left my mom.  But I run inside for a minute leaving my dad and J alone.  The first thing out of my dad's mouth, "So I see you met klutz?"

J learned a lot about me that day, I'm a klutz and it's well known. I had him come all the way to my hometown to get all my prized possessions and he thought that would be furniture and other items to make my life and by proxy his life better when we were at my apartment.  Instead he found out that what I really wanted was my 8 very heavy, boxes of books.  The toss up is which part is more epic, the way he met my parents or that I had him come all that way to carry my books home and he did.

Just to be clear, we did get my bed and kitchen items.  I had already given my couch away so we had planned to buy a used one back in the Fay.  So I'll never really understand what else he thought we were going for and why he was so shocked about the 8 boxes of books.  And I keep saying 8 boxes of books because as I sat there, injured, directing him to my belongings he came to the front of the storage building and stated with shock and awe, "8 boxes of books...that's what you just had to have....8 boxes of books?"

I'm glad I was on pain pills, because that moment was hysterical to me and it's etched in my memories as a huge part of a beginning, his realization that I was as a big a nerd as claimed.

And so it starts...

Welcome to our journey, I hope you enjoy it as much as we are!

Life started for us at 36.  Or more specifically our merged lives started at 36.  Oddly, I have a hard time recalling what my life as a single woman was even like before I met and married my husband in a what is classically called a whirlwind romance.  

We met, fell in love.  We were honest in who we were, who we are and who we still hope to become.  What we want out of life and decided to do it together.  To take this journey of life with a partner, wth the one we were both willing to stand in front of those we love and love us and commit to do this together.  For better or worse.

Pretty much from our first date I knew I was in.  By the end of the second date I knew I was going to marry him.  That is not something I say lightly, especially because I might have commitment issues. :-) But when I say I knew I was going to marry him, I mean I knew.  I didn't want to leave his side and this was before our first kiss.

Our first date was not your standard first date.  Certainly it aided in the most honest, open conversation that lasted almost 8 hours and only ended because it seemed like the proper thing to do.  Plus, we already had plans to meet up shortly after lunch the next day.  I couldn't remember the last time I had felt excited about seeing someone again.  At the end of date two, for me it was signed, sealed and delivered.  We had once again spent almost 8 hours together and this time it included the normal eating and movies and walking around just getting to know each other.

I remember walking up to put my arm in his, our first “coupling” up move and it was the most natural thing in the world.  He looked over at me, looked down at the joined arms and back up to me with a  little smile that let me know he felt it was right too.  

The first date story is an epic one and it can only be told after you get to know us both a little better and maybe even after we get to know ourselves better.  

Until then, let’s play catch up on what has happened since those couple of dates, give a little background and insight into what clicked the two individuals into who they are and what brought them to here and now.  Then I’ll invite you to stick around if you would like as I document our journey of merging our lives together and building our path to what will hopefully be our version of happily ever after.

What is our version of happily ever after?  Growing old together.  Surviving the curve balls that life is going to throw us, hitting some home runs, striking out with grace but staying on the same team willingly and wantonly until the very end is our happily ever after. 

And that is going to take some work.  I’m pretty inexperienced in relationships where you share time, space and an odd continuum called merging lives. My husband is more experienced with a couple of long term relationships that including sharing space and schedules and potential futures.  For me, I've run the remote, folded the clothes a certain way and the dishes stacked in a particular order for a very long time by myself and it's worked and I can't understand why he doesn't see that my way of doing things is better! ;-)

With his permission, I’m starting this in hopes that I can learn something and maybe you can too.  I need to write, I need to find center and focus and letting words flow helps with that.  I spent a few months searching for what topic I could write about continuously in a blog/community format and this idea of sharing the ups and downs and merging lives together kept yielding to the front of my thoughts.  

So this is about the journey of two established adults who chose to merge their lives in hopes of lifelong joined commitment and just how hard and sometimes easy that can be, written from my perspective.  Of course he gets input and veto power, because we are a team and this is going to be about us and it wouldn't be fair if he didn't get to have say in how I present us to the world.  But it's still going to be honest. Some things really are private and even though my personal facebook page would indicate otherwise, I know this to be true. ;-)

Here’s to the journey of A and J, the home runs and strikeouts, the good and bad innings and hopefully when we earthly depart it will be considered a win in the game of life. Hope you stick around for some innings.